Using Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham as a model, humorist Jay Klusky offers a child-friendly interpretation of the ongoing conflict between the Bush administration and Saddam (I am) Hussein.
A Seuss-Like Look at the Iraq Issue (NPR 7 Feb 2003)
G: You do have anthrax and SAMs.
S: I do not have them(, says Saddam).
G: Do you have them here or there?
S: I do not have them here or there, I do not have them anywhere. I do not have anthrax and SAMs. I do not have them, Uncle Sam.
G: Have you hid them in your halls, have you hid them in some mall?
S: I do not have them in my halls, I do not have them in some mall. I do not have them here or there, I do not have them anywhere.
G: Have you kept them in your mosques, have you kept them 'neath some rocks?
S: Not in our mosques, not 'neath some rocks, not in my halls, not in some mall. I would not keep them here or there, I would not keep them anywhere.
G: Would you store them in a truck?
S: Heed me, heed me, you dumb cluck. I have not stored them in a truck.
G: Did you have them? they'll be found. You may have them underground.
S: I would not hide them underground, not in a truck, they're not around. I do not have anthrax and SAMs, I do not have them(, says Saddam).
G: A train! A train!! A train!!! – A train – might you hide them on a train?
S: Not on a train, not under the ground, not in a truck, call off your hounds. I do not store anthrax and SAMs. I do not have them, Uncle Sam.
G: You do not have them, so you say? Go on, hide them, then we'll play. First assured, we'll have our way.
S: George, if you'll let me be, I'll play nice. You will see, I do not store anthrax and SAMs. I do not have them(, says Saddam).
G: We will destroy them on dry land, and will destroy them in the sand, and we'll destroy them on your planes and in your schools and on your trains and in your trucks and underground. So we'll destroy them in your mosques and we'll destroy them 'neath your rocks. And we'll destroy in in your halls, and we'll destroy them in your malls. And we'll destroy them here and there, hey, we'll destroy them everywhere
S: I....I do not have anthrax and SAMs. I do not have them (, says Saddam).
Annotation:
SAM – Surface-to-Air Missiles
Source: http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/atc/20030207.atc.07.ram
Based on the meter and rhyme scheme of "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss
"I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not eat them in the rain.
I will not eat them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I will not eat them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.
I do not like them anywhere!
I do not like green eggs and ham!
I do not like them, Sam-I-am"
From "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss