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Extracts from Wag the Dog (1996): a) Country at War b) The Rescue Operation |
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MOSS (TO HIMSELF) "The Country Is At War." (PAUSE) BREAN It's Miss America, N'you're Bert Parks. (PAUSE) MOSS ...Yoha, Yoha... Yoha. (PAUSE) Why Albania? BREAN Because. MOSS They got to have something that we want. BREAN I'm sure they do. MOSS What do we have that they want? BREAN "Freedom." MOSS Why would they want that? HAKAN They're Oppressed. MOSS No, no, no. Fuck Freedom. No. Fuck Freedom. They.... They Want... They Want To Destroy the Godless Satan of the United ... They want to destroy our Way of Life. Okay, okay, okay, could we ... okay: the President is in China. He is dealing with a Dispatch of the B-2 Bomber to Albania. Why? (HE SHRUGS, HOLDS UP HIS HANDS, TO SAY, "YOU TELL ME...") AMES Alright, well, alright: geopolitically... MOSS GESTURES FOR SILENCE. MOSS We've just found out They Have the Bomb. We've Just Found Out They Have The Bomb, aaaand... No, No wait a second, no, no, wait a second, No. The Bomb's not... it's not there -- because they'd have to have a rocket and that shit n'they're a buncha wogs-- it's ... it's a suitcase Bomb. Ooookay. It's a suitcase bomb, and it's .... in Canada! Eh? Albanian Terrorists have placed a suitcase Bomb in Canada, in an attempt to infiltrate the bomb into the USA. AMES You know what? This is good. This is terrific, and I'll tell you why: it's cost effective. This is.... MOSS (SHRUGS) It's producing. AMES No, this is great. MOSS I could tell you stories: Cecil B. Demille: Alright? The Greatest Show on Earth: He needs an elephant, GRACE COMES IN WITH A PHONE, TO AMES. GRACE I have the White House on the Line. MOSS ...one minute: Demille needs an elephant for a reshoot. AMES (TAKES THE PHONE) Ames here. Yessir... (HE LISTENS.) MOSS Okay. Okay. The Suitcase Bomb... GRACE ...good title for a movie.... MOSS GESTURES "WRITE IT DOWN" |
AMES WANDERS
AWAY, RELATING THE PROCEEDINGS INTO THE PHONE. AMES ..."Terrorism," and an attempt to infiltrate... MOSS ...the Suitcase Bomb. ACT ONE Albania denies it. President comes on the air, "Be Calm." Okay, now: Good. Now, Alright. Act TWO... (TO GRACE) I need the following here. Right now: Johnnie Green, Liz Butsky, and get me the Fad King. GRACE Isn't Johnny Green in the... (SHE GESTURES, LOONEY BIN) MOSS No, he's back in Nashville. BREAN ...who is this guy...? MOSS (TO BREAN) Act Two: and then, Act Two... BREAN We don't need an Act Two. MOSS (ON THE PHONE) And get me the Fad King. No. Get him First... (TO BREAN) We don't need an Act Two? BREAN We've just got to hold their interest for ten more days, till the Election. MOSS ...it's a Teaser! BREAN It's a teaser, absolutely right, AMES IS SEEN IN THE B.G. ON THE CELLPHONE. AMES (ON THE PHONE, SOTTO) The thinking is, as of this moment, Terrorism... (HE COVERS THE PHONE) ...they're getting a Good Reaction on the "Albania" thing... BREAN SHRUGS, TO SAY, "OF COURSE." MOSS (ON THE PHONE) Hello, King. How the heck are you...? (PAUSE) Get out... (PAUSE) Get out... Well, man, you fall in love like a Hillbilly... (HE COVERS THE PHONE, EXPLAINING TO THOSE NEAR HIM) Ditch the wife, toss the kids in the Pick-up, (HE GESTURES, MEANING, YOU KNOW...) (To THE FAD KING) Listen, King: Get your fat redneck ass out here, willya... AMES (TO BREAN, STILL HOLDING THE PHONE TO HIS EAR) ...but the President wonders about the Possible Albanian Backlash... BREAN (SHRUGS) You can't have a war without an enemy. MOSS (ON PHONE) No, King, I need you here yesterday... (TO BREAN) How long do I need him for? BREAN (CORRECTING HIMSELF) Well, you could have one, but it'd be a very ineffective war... (TO MOSS) We're done in 10 days... |
| BREAN WANDERS
BACK TO THE CONTROL BOOTH WHERE WE SEE THE SCENE ON SEVERAL MONITORS AND THE YOUNG GIRL, STANDING AGAINST THE BARE SWEEP ON THE BACK WALL. WE HEAR "ACTION" AND THE YOUNG GIRL RUNS FORWARD. WE HEAR THE TECHNICIANS MUTTERING, AND THEY PUNCH UP A PLAYBACK, AND WE SEE THE SAME RUN-FORWARD, REPLAYED AGAINST AN "ALBANIAN VILLAGE" SCENE. TECHNICIAN ...gimme some flames... AS HE SPEAKS, FLAMES ARE ADDED TO THE SCENE... TECHNICIAN ...some sound of Screaming...? (SCREAMING IS ADDED) ...whoo-aahh sirens? Anne Frank?... THE SIRENS ARE ADDED. MOSS COMES INTO THE CONTROL BOOTH, AND TALKS TO THE ACTOR. ANGLE ON AMES AND BREAN, IN THE CONTROL ROOM. AMES ...can we see the Kitten...? THE PHONE RINGS, AMES PICKS UP HIS CELLPHONE. AMES (CONT.) Hello... Yes. We'll be back...? BREAN We'll be back tonight. AMES (TO PHONE) Tonight. (HE HANGS UP) Well, you've started a Tempest in a Teapot. BREAN Waal, that's where you want em... AMES ...I just hope... MOSS (TO TRUDY) Do it again, love, will you...? We'll tell you before we're going to shoot... WE SEE ON THE MONITOR THE YOUNG GIRL RUNNING WITH THE BAG OF POTATO CHIPS, VARIOUS BURNING BUILDINGS IN THE B.G. MOSS ...could she be running across a bridge? She's running across a Burning Bridge. ONE OF THE TECHNICIANS' FACES LIGHTS UP. TECHNICIAN (TO HIMSELF) ....beautiful. WE PLAYBACK THE LAST RUNTHROUGH, AND THE GIRL IS NOW RUNNING ACROSS A BRIDGE. MOSS (LEANS IN TO TALK WITH THE TECH PEOPLE) Of course, we're gonna need some water, uh... TECHNICIAN Is it a stream, or is it a... |
MOSS No, I think.. TECHNICIAN a "pond," or MOSS No, I think it's ... can we see the calico kitten...? AS HE SPEAKS THE BAG OF CHIPS IS TRANSFORMED INTO A CALICO KITTEN. AMES (ON HIS PHONE) A small, "calico" kitten, sir. (PAUSE) "Calico." (PAUSE) AMES (TO MOSS) ...can we have a white one...? MOSS (TO DIRECTOR) Can we have a white one, please... AS THEY SPEAK THE BROWN KITTEN IS TRANSFORMED INTO A WHITE ONE. MOSS (CONT) You know, if we're gonna run with the kitten, maybe it turns out, the Kitten has a Name, and... DIRECTOR We ready out there...? BREAN LOOKS DOWN AT HIS WATCH, AND TAPS AMES ON THE SHOULDER, AS HE EASES HIS WAY PAST THE CONTROL CONSOLE. AMES (ENGROSSED) ...one moment... INT L.A.X. DAY. A POSTER FILLS THE SCREEN. IT IS A NORMAL ROCKWELL SORT OF THING SHOWING HAPPY AND PROUD AMERICANS OUTSIDE OF A VOTING BOOTH. AND IT READS: "DON'T FORGET TO VOTE. NOVEMBER 2ND. IT'S YOUR DUTY -- IT'S YOUR RIGHT." PRESIDENT'S VOICE (VO) ...a state of War. (PAUSE) That a State of War... PAN OFF THE POSTER TO SHOW THE GATE AREA, MANY PEOPLE WAITING, WATCHING A TELEVISION SET, ON WHICH WE SEE THE PRESIDENT. PRESIDENT (CONT.) ...exists... A TELEVISION SET, THE PRESIDENT ON THE TELEVISION. PRESIDENT ...between the United States and Republic of Albania, and that the Congress Authorize any and all measures consonant with a swift and painless, and victorious conclusion of that War. |